As you might know, in April I took a full-time job working at our church as an administrative assistant. When I took the position Nathan was just heading home from Arizona after being discharged from the military, and we were both officially unemployed. I knew then, and I still know now, that God was blessing our family with this job. I was able to seamlessly transition from being a stay-at-home mom with a husband who was 1800 miles away to having a job again and leaving the kids home with Nathan each day. Nathan continued to be paid by the Army for a few months as he searched for jobs.
In early September, Nathan was offered a really great job with the state of Missouri, and we geared up to be a household with two working parents and kids in daycare. We found a great daycare and miraculously they had places for both of our boys. And so, on September 4th, we began our new routine. I was optimistic and I really thought we were doing exactly what God wanted for our family...for about 24 hours. And then, doubt started to creep in.
For as long as I've been a parent, and really even before Manning was born, I have spoken the praises and benefits of daycare. I never really viewed "staying home" as the goal to aim for, likewise, I never thought that daycare was best for everyone either. It truly is, in my opinion, one of those things where what's best for my family and what's best for your family might look very different.
So, after a few days of daycare, I really started to feel God telling me that I'm supposed to be staying home right now. It seemed ludicrous, even to me, to think that I might be walking away from a job I loved, but over and over, I was reassured that God was telling me my ministry right now needs to be happening in the home. God has given me these blessings, Manning and Deacon, for a time, but ultimately I know that they belong to him. They're just mine while here on this earth, such a fleeting time.
Since Nathan's illness, I have changed. God has used something really serious to help me learn that I'm not in control, and so I'm jumping into this with both feet. I could go into all kinds of details of why and how I came to the conclusion that I needed to quit my job, and they could all be embraced or criticized. I don't need to do that. I just need to share that even though we won't have a lot of extra money, and I know the boys were benefitting from daycare, I know that at the end of the day our change of plans is part of God's grace and plan for our lives, and that is all I need to know.